Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
