omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize