he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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