Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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