if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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