i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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