I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
