I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
