my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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