at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize