My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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