yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
