i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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