The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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