the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
