im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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