Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
