Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
