i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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