I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
