Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
