Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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