Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
