The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize