i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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