what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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