So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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