Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
birth control should be required to get into college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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