i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
