If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
