I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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