My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
