I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
