you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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