Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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