Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
