distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
