Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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