I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
