The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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