I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
