All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
