the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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