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I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
