Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
