Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
