It's like God shit irony all over that family
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
