I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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