I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize