I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
