break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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