she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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