Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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