if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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