My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
