Don't you send me to vm
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
