so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
