Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
