SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
