It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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