At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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