I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
