they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
