Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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