Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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