So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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